Living in pain

This is a broad topic that will most likely come up over and over again but in different aspects.

When I was a very young girl pain meant an unpleasant sensation from a paper cut or an ouchie that hurt for a little bit of time but was guaranteed to go away.  Well, that was when I was a young girl, not a woman with Osteoarthritis, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Raynaud's , excruciating headaches since my craniotomy, 2 bulging discs in my neck, a rotator cuff tear, degenerative disc disease and jaw pain from where the muscles overlaying the jaw were cut to perform the craniotomy, G6Pd deficiency, chronic anemia, high blood pressure (funny I have this issue seeing as I have lost 150+ Lbs) and diet controlled type II Diabetes; No meds needed for this one.  Anyway, now pain and I are BFF's!!!

Aren't Best Friends For Life always around?  Well so is my pain, but not in a giving, loving way.   I am in some form of pain EVERYDAY!  Pain than would make a grown man cry!  Hell, I am up now blogging because I can't' sleep due to throbbing feet, hands, knees and hips.  I started to get angry about the pain and why I must be the one to endure it.  What did I do that was so wrong that this is my plight; what,Am I going to have to face this for the rest of my life?  I would walk around my house saying "this is bullshit" and all kinds of negative tapes played in my head day in and day out!  I also felt trapped.  Like a game show host might say "Here are your choices; live in excruciating pain or visit the pain treatment center" where I will have to get narcotics to help me move.  Lovely choices Dahling!!!!   NOT!!!!  What kind of freakin prizes are those???  I freakin hate this game show and I want off and to be on the pain free game show!  But I have a secret...

I have finally realized that there really is a 3rd prize but for me it had to be uncovered by establishing a STRONG relationship with GOD and following his lead.  In the pain department his direction has led me to a wellness group where finding the positives in a situation and using coping techniques are taught.  I will begin seeing a psychiatrist so I have someone objective to talk to and I am learning to meditate.  Pain sucks but it is a part of my life but I choose to seek the positives, no matter how small.  Heck, without the head pain I would still have a nice size tumor in my brain...see I just found another positive!

One more thing.  I am by no means diminishing pain and the havoc it causes in your life.  Others, please treat those with pain issues with love, compassion and understanding.  Just because you don't see another's pain doesn't mean it isn't there!